i finally forgot how to love a boy. i forgot how it was to be a secret, a sweet, secret admirer. and obviously a girl, a fat-ugly girl like me never knew how to be truly love by a boy.
love is something sweet, if, you know how to cherish it.
and a sweet love, according to me, anyway, is always secret. it's not something that i have to rush. it might be something that only i could feel it, and i treasure it.
i used to like a boy, sent him presents. gave him sweet stuffs. without him knowing it. eventually he'll find out. i don't think he was impressed, because if he did, he might appreciate my love, and return it.
I think, to recall my memory, i never even once, got back what i did to those boys. i never had a secret admirer that will do something like that to me.
i am not denying that once, when i was much thinner back days, i do had a couple of admirers. but none of them did what i did to impress me. none of them went through all the stuffs i did. so to return their love, that'll be hard for me. because they did not try hard enough to get me. and i am not, something that is easy. even i am ugly, i am not desperate and easy.
finally i stopped. i stop being a secret admirers. i stop looking to a boy that i like from afar. i stop sending little sweet gifts secretly.
I guess Allah is protecting me. yes, i am dreaming a guy would do all the sweet stuffs to me. maybe Allah has arranged something for me.
Ya Allah, berikanlah yang terbaik untukku.
And eventually, i don't have what i call my 'sweet love', for a man.
Because that 'sweet love', i keep it for the man who keeps his 'sweet love' for me.
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