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I never knew entering the world of twenties could be this hard. entering the world of adult perhaps.

Assalamualaikum.

     i am currently doing shortsem with only a subject i managed to register. and i was in dilemma between Cad2D or Islamic Civilization. let me explain please. the subject i managed to register was Islamic Civilization. but i want to add Cad2D because i dont want to be busy during the long sem. the problem is, the schedule clash. so i want Cad2D so badly, i went to add manually, because the section is already closed, and in the hope i get it, so i could drop Islamic Civilization. i tried hard, and i dunno if that wasnt hard enough..cuz i went to seek the lecturer everyday,yet, the section is still closed. to make it short, i just have to face my hectic long sem,like or not. its too complicated. kalau rase nak tahu sangat, just ask me personally.

    anyhow it does make me sad. not because i didnt get the  subject, but what i have faced this morning. minggu ni, malang bertimpe2.. yes, ini semua ujian dan dugaan. cabaran buat aku. mungkin juga balasan untuk aku. mungkin aku banyak buat dosa. entahla. since theres a saying says "hardships will make you stronger", i just hope i am gonna be strong someday. cuz all these while, im weak and fragile. berbaur perasaan. confused.

     teruk sangat ke muke aku ni sampai there's no space for people to be polite when they talk to me? nak kata aku rude, takde plak aku bentak or jeling. all i did was asking.i guess the saying "malu bertanya sesat jalan" cant be used widely today, huh? cuz when u ask people will only think that u are stupid,dumb ass who cant even work for your own.

     sebab nak sembuhkan hati yang lara, i went to central market, by bus, which took about an hour to reach. i was quiet and tears dropped sometimes. tetibe teringat my trainer said, nak gain confidence, cube try talking to the strangers next to you. hmm..nak pandang sebelah pun takut tadi, apalagi dengan mata yang berair.

     then merayau kat sane. then i went back home.

    masa dalambas, terfikir.. sepatutnya bila hati sedih, pergila masjid, baca Quran. tapi..masa tu dah dalam bas. memanglah awak ni. my mom said to me, one of my weaknesses is that i didnt learn from my mistakes. i forget. oh Tuhan, bimbinglah hambamu ini. :"( .. yeaaooo..memang sedih.


    i believe among those intelligent, successful people, there must be some those who act annoyingly..like ask lots of questions and get scolded. of course they might be sad for a while, but that doesnt stop them. they keep asking, diligently to reach what they want. they succeed. biarlah orang nak marah aku pun. aku berusaha. walaupun hasilnya mungkin sia-sia, tapi usaha ada. daripada tak berusaha, dan hasilnya sia-sia? sekurang-kurangnya lepas berusaha, aku tak menyesal. and i hope, i will never regret.


* last night i dreamt about my favourite teacher. i hugged her, and i cried. i miss her so much. i miss you ms Foo. :'( there's lots of thing i wanna ask you about life....